Is This Something You Want To Die For, Better Yet Go To Hell For?

I'm Highway Bound For Another Pretty Suicide

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 21:56:40 GMT

So right now, I pretty much hate everything going on in my life.

First, lost my band. Second, lost the girl I love more than anything. Third, my car is broke down up in Canney Valley. And fourth, above anything else, my grandma might have lukimia.

Honestly, when will this shit end? I wish I had a way to drive somewhere or just a way to get out.

I need a cigerette.

Call This Abandonment.

Tue, 27 Mar 2007 07:11:12 GMT

Im bracing myself for what could very well possibly be the biggest upset in my life.

If it happens, then EVERYONE can say goodbye to me for awhile, cause I honestly dont know what in the hell Im going to do if it happens.

Fuck Me

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 15:10:00 GMT

Some days I really just want to put a gun in my mouth and blow all my problems away.

...And today is one of those days.

Eat Me Alive

Sun, 18 Mar 2007 07:43:16 GMT

Why is just about everything going wrong?

Just Fuck It...

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 09:59:41 GMT

I expect a breakdown in the next two weeks. I really can't take anymore.

I've not been home 30 minutes; it's 5:49 AM, I am really tired, but still pissed and dont think I'll be able to sleep.

For the first time in years I feel like I need a ciggarete.

My head hurts.

I really want to go to my moms'.

I wish I could have one day that I didn't have to worry about anything.

I really like Haste the Day, but the lead singer sounds like a pissed off parakeet.

I want to get into my car and drive forever.

George Jones is an amazing song writter.

I need more coffee.

I need new shoes.

I need a fuckin' job.

I'm a walking disease tailing a remedy of dreams

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 01:41:36 GMT

Right now, I feel pretty much like shit and just wrote. It wont make any sense to anyone but me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Every Arrow Has it's Day

im caving in again
ive lost all hope of ths ever working out
my heart is collapsing
my lungs are punctured
im a walking disease
tailing a remedy of dreams
curtious and suspendable
im your let down
irregular verbing down the banner
this is not sanity
this is a reality

break of dawn im at my peak
duplications and wires
burning down this forest is a break through
destroy me, for i am not David
regaining unconciousness is a little slice of heaven

eclipse the falling sun
i couldn't care less

eat me inside out
this is what you were made for
kill me little by little
tear me down for the amusement
im carrying low expectations
in my leather briefcase

burning hallways make me think of the past
the sizzling of the flesh
the smell of there death
im suspended from the sky
watching the colaboration of water meets fire
rest in piece..

the wings you have on are a sight
stare down the little boy
kill him with your eyeless sockets
collapse..

there is no mercy for you or me
this world is not so fitting
we've lost all hope
and ive lost myself

Mirror, mirror can't you see? You've got a hold on me.

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 11:09:51 GMT

Today I go take the Driver's Test. Wish me luck (I'll need it.)

I LOVE HE IS LEGEND.

This isn't going to be a good day.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, yeah...

I GOT MY LICENSE!!!

HELL YEAH! It's like puberty all over again!!!

Too Much Pressure

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 17:42:16 GMT

Ok, so we've only finished one song cause of VERY picky people. We have to have two more done today by 5. I dont think it's going to happen. We're working on She Was a Looker' right now. The demo is going to be only 3 songs IF we get them done. We probably won't but whatever. I'm about tired of this shit anyways.

I really just want to lay down. I have a headache.

"Beautiful Puffy Peirced Nipples" - Keith Buckley

I have to quit for now. I'll post more later.

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 21:22:13 GMT

With Open Eyes and Still Beating Hearts

we've re-written this into a work of art
five months down and my dreams are dead
i've walked this parking lot around the world
and back to my home town where the bleeding begins
we've been back and forth and left to right
ive put a lot into this and i've lost a lot out of it
carry me into this wasteland
welcome to my life hanging from a shelf
for the world to see and critisize
where did i begin and where is it going to end
spinning in circles and dancing with the devil
these pills are the escape root
from you and the world
the liquid seeping down my throat is my salvation
ive been down this road many times before
but not qute like this

im casting the signal to leave
ive carried this under my belt for 3 years
and im dropping it all at the sight of myself
in the mirror laying across my bedroom floor
im counting this one down to the wire
im set to explode at any minute
and im taking this entire world with me
into the after life; whatever it may be
i've healed many broken hearts in my life time
but i've never been able to save mine
this is the monolgue to the end of my days
these are the words of the forgotten friend
this is my dying dream

quiet and insecure i sit alone quiet as a mouse
with my back to the wall and my face on my knees
i've played these songs repeatitively for hours
these melodies are what ive became
ive lost myself to the lake and memories that everyone forgot
we've all parted for better days and so-called better people
i've lost everyone i shared a lake side night with
i've lost some of the best friendships of my life

the last year of my life has been fulfilling in different ways
this is my letter to the people i cared most about
and to the hard times we've all faced
to the bad times we're going to face in the future
i want you to know im always going to be here
but im dead to you
you know im dead to you
ive been dead to you
im never comming back

Breathing is Just Another Way of me Saying I Love You

Sat, 10 Feb 2007 06:55:44 GMT

One question; "Why does God fucking hate me?"

Sing Me a Melody and Make Me Forget

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 10:15:01 GMT

Have you ever just looked a child wearing a smiling face and then look at a parent at the pissed off look on there face? This last weekend I did. A lot of things crossed my mind. The kid looked so happy with all the tickets he had won at the arcade and all he got was a toy frog. He looked at all of us with a big smile, but no one was looking at him, other than me. I happened to look at the parent who didn't look too happy and I wondered what that kid's life is like. He had to be around 4 or 5. Not very old at all. Then I thought about what he will be like when he is a teenager. Does this kid have a bad life right now? If he does, will it affect him in a bad way or a good way? I don't know why this all hit me. It just kinda made me think of my life and compare it with his and different things like that. I just went into this state of being real quiet. I just didn't want to say anything, it was all I had on my mind for the longest time. Then I looked up and saw another kid playing the hunting game and his mom was holding him up and he was having a blast. It took a toll on me. I don't know what it is, but when I walk into the arcade I watch all the parents and there little kids. I think about what there lives are like. I don't know why I do it. There's really no point to this, I just wanted to say it. I just can't get it off of my mind.

It makes me wonder if I will be a good parent. Will I be the ideal father for my children? Will I be a parent who there child just can't stand? I don't know why I'm thinking about these things. They just hit me.

Am I really an asshole? If I really am, tell me. I know that's why people stopped talking to me before. That's why I just got quiet around people and stopped coming around in the first place. I really don't mean to be one, if I am.

I'm so sleepy, but I'm not sleeping tonight. I'm not going to be able to sleep until I find out if you made it home safe. I love you more than anything and I miss you.

I want to learn guitar. I want to do an acoustic-indie-ish type project. Nothing heavy.

i want to write a song or some verse right now. I just can't get anything out. I don't know whats wrong. I hate writers block.

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 21:27:58 GMT

Yesterday, we packed up and headed out to good ol' Nashville to see Job For a Cowboy, Psyopus, The Acacia Strain, See You Next Tuesday, and Daath. That had to be the crazist show Ive ever been to; Norma Jean had nothing on that. I love the band Norma Jean, but there is no way they could out do the crazy shit that went on.

I'm selling a Job For a Cowboy shirt I got. It's brand new and hasn't been worn.

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If you want it, give me an offer, cause Micheal (our drummer) is offering 10 bucks for it.

These Are My Confessions of a Dying Son.

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 09:14:47 GMT

Right now, the girl holding the key to my heart is asleep on my bed. If only I knew what she was dreaming. I hope it's a good dream. In a few hours she will be gone and it will be a whole a week before I see her again. I can't sleep, but I am so tired. It sucks really bad though, that she'll be gone in a little while and it'll feel so long 'til I see her again. I miss her already and I hope she makes it to school safely.

This weekend has kinda sucked, but was still alright. I fucked my knee up again. I'm laying off it for awhile. Until it gets better. It still hurts, but it should be fine in a day or two.

So, I really dont know how much longer this band is going to last. Something dosen't feel right about it right now and I dont know what it is. I hope it keeps going, I NEVER want this to end. I love it. It's my baby. I've been there from the start and I will be there 'til the end. I think Im just paranoid, cause I've never been in a band that has made it this far, never been this good, and have never been completely happy with.

I miss everybody. I still don't see everyone as much as I want. Everyone of these people need to get up with me as soon as possible to kick it: Mat Harmon, Kurtis Welch, Jack Nunley, Tonyarg, Danthrax, Travis Ayers, Charlie Ware, and everyone that else that has me on there lj friends and everyone else that reads this. Get up with me as soon as possible, I miss you all (even the ones Ive never met, I miss you too). Sorry I didn't name everyone off that I want, it's just a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG list.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Confessions Of a Dying Son
ive never read a more
beautiful love letter than yourself
forgive me if im wrong
but arent you supposed to love
me know matter what?
ive cried a million tears
over you and still
i am being criticized about how
much i really love you

im dying with this sunset
and the world dosent seem to care
please just let me live
all i want to do is live
just for one moment
ive put everything into this
and this is how i am repayed
they're rejoicing for my funeral
let me die another day
and let me cry another night
for i know ive done wrong
and i am sorry for this
all that is happened

these tears have drowned me
for the the 18 years of my life
and still i have no life support
countless times i have tried
to spring up out of this
and start a new life on the surface

these are my confessions
soaked in blood and tears
these are my confessions
dancing around my head
in a silhouette of death
these are my confessions
of a dying son

I Want To Feel You Breath

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 09:13:48 GMT

I'm sick.

I can't sleep.

I'm bored.

What a great night this has turned out to be.

This Is Your Last Chance To Reach Me

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 04:46:57 GMT

Im so sleepy right now and I dont know why. My head hurts as well. Im writting a band bio. It wont be posted 'til sometime this weekend. We have a show in Tazewell Saturday, everyone should come out. I think it starts at 7. My bed looks so comfortable right, I cant stand it haha.

So yeah, Mega Mayhem have dropped all of there bands, but want to keep a few and we're one of the few they want to keep. They're wanting us to sign a contract, I guess you could say. It looks promising. We'll probably do it. They're helping us a lot.

Honestly, this band is everything I could have dreamed of when it comes to music. Here in Febuary we're going to begin writting some new songs with A LOT of breakdowns. We're also going to go back over the old songs and revise them. We feel they could be A LOT better. Our next show after January 24th will be Febuary 23rd. We're taking that time between the dates to write and record.

I've decided that I AM going to go on a diet and lose weight. Im going to try and get myself to a 180 lbs. I am going to start Monday. I know it seems a little long, but I just want to start at the beginning of the week. I am TOTALLY DONE with sodas for awhile, also fatty foods as well. I NEED to get into shape. I AM going to get into shape.

I Miss You..

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 00:41:55 GMT

I already miss you. My eyes are full of tears right now. It's not been five minutes since you pulled out of my driveway. I hope you make it back safe. They're playing She Was a Looker' right now. It's going to be hard to go to sleep at night cause I wont get to see you before I fall asleep. It's going to be very hard to go through the days not being able to see you. I've became so accustom to it that the change will be so hard to endure.

I love you with all of my heart.

Hell Bound On a Cotton Candy Stick

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 22:49:37 GMT

Hell Bound On a Cotton Candy Stick
tear me down again
i am the walking cadaver
in your holy knights
you own this battlefield
destroying the kind hearted
on sight
those demonic eyes
you carry in your head
thrive on tearing us apart

kill the lights
we're going to make
a night to remember
arms holding tightly
kisses we'll never forget
a knife through your
terrorizing heart
im turning this around
im making a new
no more will
the suffering go on
for me or for anyone

sweet shadow falling
to the floor
in a hail of screams
in an end of dreams

crawl to the phone
im kicking out the door
im taking your heart
out of your chest
as my signature
as my trophy
as my revenge

you are hell in a lapdance

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Be ready for a shitty demo!

I'm Not Letting This Die Just Yet...Im Going To Keep Struggling

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 06:04:57 GMT

So yeah, the last few days have completely blown turkey nuts. I hate being sick.

Ok, so Mark, Josh and I are going to record a new demo for MGK tomorrow. All vocals will be me and all drums will be me. Then all guitar stuff will probably be Mark. Then all bass will be Josh, of course. I dont know what we'll exactly record or anything. If it sounds good enough, we'll probably record a few other songs and put them on cd for everyone. Should be neat.

Dreams Come and Go So Fast

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 18:58:46 GMT

So yeah, today blows so much.

We probably wont be playing shows for awhile or anything.

Just, fuck, whatever....

We're Just Wasting Time

Tue, 09 Jan 2007 22:02:49 GMT

Im bummed.

We were supposed to have a show, but no, not happening now.

We were going to try and have practice, but that's not happening either.

Im STILL sick.

I just want to get something to eat, come back here, put a movie on, and lay down and watch it with Ciara.

I Am The Walking Cadaver In Your Holy Knights

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 08:58:24 GMT

All I have to say is be at the show in Middlesboro Tuesday, you're going to be in for a new and improved Machinegun Kelly and you're GOING to cream.

Choking Back The Tears...

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 04:20:16 GMT

I am fucking horrible.

Im shaking like crazy right now.

Im holding back these tears, but it's not working.

I'm sorry, I really am. I love you. Please, call me...

An I.V. Filled With Grape Drink and 40 Shots Of Tabasko Sauce

Sun, 24 Dec 2006 08:40:12 GMT

An I.V. Filled With Grape Drink and 40 Shots Of Tabasko Sauce

the smoke feels
the room
the candle is burning out
watermelon scent
is sending mixed signals
the man under the floor board
keeps calling my name
beating and banging
making my insides turn
feeling it creeping up my spine
restless and loving
carrying myself up the stairs
the hall is closing in
the arms are grabbing me
they're tearing me to shreds
the biting has to stop
the clawing is industructable
compared to this
silk soaked skin

the eyes are starring
at me across the hall
the glowing is repeated
in the worlds you left behind
playing over and over in my head
the knife sticking in the wall
never looked this close
calculating what's going
to happen when i go through
this window
is opening my eyes to a whole new world
deep below the earth
deep below the soil
with the ones like you
and the ones that loved
hated love hated me hated you

the axe in your
head is so seductive
once you get passed
all the amputees
once you get past
all the maggots
once you get passed
the heart laying on the floor

the glass staind eyes
that you have on
are the opening to the fifth demension
physics are a thing of the past
comotion in the streets
is in right now
the flare signals are streaming
from the heavens
and into our hearts

this is the story
of a coffee mug filled
with an elixer
of the four horsemen

The Legend Of Gummers Johnson

Wed, 20 Dec 2006 17:49:49 GMT

Something I just wrote.

The Legend Of Gummers Johnson
my compliments to the warden
for this exquizit down fall
ive been sentenced to
the only thing i have left
are these writtings
and these memories
question the possibilities
of the choices we'll make
and the drugs that we'll do

to whom it may concern,
ive left the building in full flight
starring out the window
watching this world grow
and leave me behind
reach for your dreams
never let them go
they're what keep us sane
they're what makes us who we are
they're what motivate us
they're what you need

the dyslexia is setting in
and im stepping out of
this well-dressed room
the occasion isn't important
the bomb under the table
is what will get this place moving

talking to myself
always made me feel like
i was really loved
like someone was really in there
the quatum physics you're dealing
are completely insufficiant
the bomb is going off and so are the
dreams of everyone fleeing the scene
laughing never felt so good

I'll never live again
i'll never speak again
i'll never love again

Everyone on the dance floor is doomed. Hit the ground. Shut your mouth.

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 19:35:36 GMT

I now officially own an Every Time I Die tee. I've not seen it in forever and found it at Hottopic last night.

You know I had to.

Last night was fun. Went to Knoxvizzle with Ciara and hung out. We saw Derek Martin, Nathan Palmer, Brian (forgot his last name, and Mikey from KSC.

So yeah, we've gotten signed to a label. Not a big one, but a start. Enough to help us get up on our feet.

We're changing the band name. It will be decided this Sunday.

We have a third guitarist.

We will be recording a 3 or 4 song demo soon.

Mall tonight, Jack you better be there or Im going to shoot the biggest wad you've ever had in your mouth. Gay.

Ciara, thanks for all the Rockstar :-P haha

I love you, sweetie.